What's the recipe for the spaetzle, I always have trouble getting them to hold together and not turn into a pile of goo.
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If it were me, I would absolutely give it two weeks of primary, then raise the temp to ambient for one day before dropping it to 30F. After 24 hours at 30F, I would hit it with gelatin and wait until 24 hours before the wedding to keg and carb it.
Generally, though, I wouldn't try to rush lagers. You still have time to replace this one with am American Wheat or something like that if you're looking for an easy drinker for non beer-types. 50% Wheat Malt, 50% 2-row, about 25 IBUs, just a pinch of any aroma hop you like at 10 min, mash at 150-152 for 60 min, shoot for 1.046-1.048, give it a healthy dose of US-05/WLP001/WY1056, ferment at 60F for a couple days, then raise to ambient once it has slowed down... drop it to 30F and keg it on the 23rd. Easy as pie.
If you want to speed the fermentation up, you could start bumping up the temperature after a few days. Maybe raise it 1-2 degrees per day until you get into the mid-60s. That will help it finish quickly and clean up any fermentation by-products.
I do the latter, I'm not a huge worrier when it comes to my beer.
One to avoid, or to take with enough salt to flavor gose, is "Curiosities of Ale and Beer" by John Bickerdyke. There's lots of bad beer history there.
Also, some historical brewing books are better than others. Some of the English books intended for "house brewers" have weird recipes which can include ingredients guaranteed to give off-flavors at best or poison you at worst. (In the 18th and 19th centuries, the UK had laws which basically enforced a sort of Reinheitsgebot on commercial brewers. On the other hand, people brewing for private consumption - which included rich families who privately brewed beer to provision their servants - could put whatever they wanted to into their beer.)
Funny, you and i think alike.
Mark wasn't black, but he was silver grey - don't know how to do that in a beer, so instead I'm going to make a "Fat Cat Imperial Sweet Stout" in his honor.
Not as a cold dip.