[corkybstewart]

Miguel's wife Rosa came and picked him up from the hospital in Santa Fe and took him home to die, they both knew it would only be a day or 2.  As the family gathered to say their goodbyes, the women started making tamales for after the funeral.  Everybody knew Miguel's suffering was almost over so there was a sense of sad relief.  Upstairs Miguel is lying in bed, barely aware of his surroundings when he gets a whiff of homemade tamales steaming in the big iron kettle.  It brings back such wonderful memories of his childhood, watching his mom and grandmother making the traditional Christmas tamales, then later helping his young bride make tamales for everybody.  His senses are overwhelmed by that delicious aroma, so he summons every last ounce of his strength and gets out of bed.  He knows if he can just have one last tamale he'll die happy and satisfied.  He slowly makes his way down the stairs, across the living room and into the kitchen where he sees a huge pile of tamales cooling on a tray.  He staggers to the counter, starts to unwrap a steaming wonderful smelling tamale and suddenly his wife slaps his hand and takes the tamale away from him:  Hey Pendejo, you can't eat that, it's for the funeral.

[Hokerer]

Two nuns were walking down the street when two bad guys jumped out and dragged them into an abandoned building.  Each bad guy started going to town on a nun.  While the assault is going on, the first nun starts praying "Forgive him Father for he knows not what he does".  The second nun, hearing that, says "Speak for yourself Sister, for mine sure does".

[morticaixavier]

Q: how do you make a hanky dance?
A: put a little boogie in it!!!!

[bo]

Q: How do you kill a wabbit
A: Hit it with a wok.

[theDarkSide]

Q.  What's the difference between a fox and a pig?
A.  About 4 beers

 

[bo]

Q.  What's the difference between a fox and a pig?
A.  About 4 beers

 

I'd have to make that at least 6 beers, maybe 8.

[punatic]

Boudreaux was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. "Marie, will you give me one last request ?"
"Of course, Boudreaux, anything," his wife said softly.
"Six months after I die," he said, "I wants you to marry Thibodeaux."
Marie remarks, "But I thought you hated Thibodeaux."
With his last breath, Boudreaux said, "I do !"

[theDarkSide]

Q.  What's the difference between a fox and a pig?
A.  About 4 beers

 

I'd have to make that at least 6 beers, maybe 8.

Maybe they're really big beers, in starting gravity or volume or both 

[punatic]

A travelling salesman pulled up in front of Boudreaux and Marie's house. He got out and knocked on the door, and Marie answered. The salesman asked if she could give him directions to Baton Rouge .

"Don't know," Marie said.

He got back in his car and as he pulled away, he heard voices. Looking in his rearview mirror, he saw Marie and an old man waving frantically for him to come back. So he made a U-turn and drove back up to them.

"This is my husband, Boudreaux", Marie tells him. "And he don't know how to get to Baton Rouge either!"

[repo]

Why is the area between a womans breast and her hips called a waist?

Because you could easily fit another set of breasts in there.

[punatic]

It’s Marie and Boudreaux’s wedding night.  Marie takes Boudreaux’s hand and leads him upstairs to the honeymoon suite.  “I’ve been saving myself for you Boudreaux!  Let me undress you.”

Marie pulls off Boudreaux’s shoes and socks and sees Boudreaux’s toes are all curled up and deformed, “Oh Boudreaux, what happened to your toes?"

“I had da toelios when I was a boy.”

“Toelios… ouch!  That’s pretty bad,”  Marie says as she removes Boudreaux’s pants.  With his pants removed Marie sees Boudreaux’s knees are all scarred up and knurly looking, “Oh Boudreaux, what happened to you knees?”

“When I was a teenager I caught the kneesles.”

“Oh  Boudreaux,  that must have been awful!”

Marie then  removes  Boudreaux’s boxers, takes one look and says, “Oh Boudreaux, I see you had the smallcox too!”

[beersk]

A sandwich walks in to a bar.  The bartender says, "Oh, we don't serve food here".

[morticaixavier]

A guy dressed as a pirate walks into a bar with a boat steering wheel sticking out of the front of his pants. He walks up to the bar and orders a whisky. The bartender serves him and then says "I gotta ask, what's with the boat steering wheel?"

The pirate replies "Arrrr, it's driving me nuts"

[brewmichigan]

A guy dressed as a pirate walks into a bar with a boat steering wheel sticking out of the front of his pants. He walks up to the bar and orders a whisky. The bartender serves him and then says "I gotta ask, what's with the boat steering wheel?"

The pirate replies "Arrrr, it's driving me nuts"

^^^^^^^^
This = Awesome

Always loved that one.

[beersk]

A guy walks into a bar and orders a pint of beer. He looks around and notices that there are slabs of meat hanging from the ceiling. He then says to the bartender, "Why is there meat hanging from the ceiling?''.

The bartender says, 'It's a little bet that we are running. If you can jump up and grab a bit of meat in your mouth then you can have all of your drinks bought for you. If you fail then you have to buy everyone else in the bar their drinks for them. Are you going to have a try at it''. The man shakes his head and says to the bartender, "No, the stakes are to high."