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Messages - Slowbrew

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The Pub / Re: AHA joke thread
« on: March 14, 2012, 02:25:33 PM »
Cowboy And The Genie
A cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains without water.  His horse has already died of thirst. He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.
He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase. He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie. She is wearing a FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency) ID badge and a dull gray dress. There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear.
"Well, cowboy," says the genie. "You know how I work ....You have three wishes."
"I'm not falling for this." said the cowboy.  "I'm not going to trust a FEMA genie."
"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!"
The cowboy thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.
"OK! I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink"
The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen, and he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
"OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish."
"My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams."
The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.
"OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"
After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says..."I wish that no matter where I go, I will be surrounded by beautiful women who will want and need me."
He was turned into a tampon.
The moral of the story: If the government offers you anything, there's going to be a string attached

All Grain Brewing / Re: repeated stuck mashes
« on: March 14, 2012, 02:01:32 PM »
I may be over simplifying but can you fit a piece of 1/2" copper pipe in there? If you have some laying around I mean.  You won't compress that.


The Pub / Re: AHA joke thread
« on: March 14, 2012, 12:49:17 PM »
A man was out flying in his hot air balloon and an unexpected storm came in.  The winds were very strong and their was no way to land the craft so he was forced to ride it out. 

Once the storm was past and the man had his balloon under control again he needed to find out where he was.  He spied a man standing in a clearing and descended close enough to ask where he was.  When he got close enough he yelled to the man and asked where he was?  The man replied "You are in a hot air balloon approximately 100 feet off the ground. 

The man in the balloon thanked the man on the ground for his help and asked if he was a Microsoft Systems Engineer?  The man on the ground was astounded and replied "why yes, yes I am.  How did you know?"  The man in the balloon yelled back "because I asked you a simple question you gave an accurate and exacting answer that didn't help me at all".

Sorry, old sys admin jokes.  Paul

It's probably a bit green yet and will mellow out in a couple more weeks.  If you served it really cold, that will accentuate the bitterness of the beer too.

Give it another week (or two) to finish carbonating and let it warm a bit closer to 45* before you taste it.  It will change a lot over a couple of weeks.

Keep yourself busy by making your second and third batches.   ;)


... you install new shelves in the shop "to get some tools off the floor".  After sorting and organizing you realize the tools are all still on the floor but your brewing gear now all neatly on the shelving.

In addition you also notice that you still don't have enough room for all you brewing toys.


When a package arrives and no one knows what it's for but they automatically put in your brewing area because "It's for Dad, it's probably for his brewery".


Mine go even one better.  When a package arrives, they call me at work and ask if there's anything in the box that needs to go in the fridge/freezer

I need to tell them they've been one up-ed.   ;D

Not brewing this weekend.  May bottle a wheat I made last Saturday.  It depends on where the batch has gotten to.  I have next week off for Spring Break in Des Moines.  I'm planning on doing a couple of batches next week but haven't decided what yet.

This weekend's project is to finally vent the upstairs bathroom out through the roof.  If a gust of wind catches me off guard, it's been nice visiting with you.   I'll be working three stories up. ;)

Other than that, a keg blew last night so my cleaning pile is growing again.


When a package arrives and no one knows what it's for but they automatically put in your brewing area because "It's for Dad, it's probably for his brewery".


Ingredients / Re: does rye malt always have a gray-blueish tint to it?
« on: March 14, 2012, 08:28:39 AM »
That's what all the rye I've ever used has looked like.


General Homebrew Discussion / Re: new to AHA - where does one start?
« on: March 13, 2012, 09:00:53 AM »
Zymurgy was enough to justify the dues for me.  I read a lot and appreciate the focus the mag has.

I've never used the pub discounts but that's more because of the kid's schedules than me not wanting to.

This forum is a great resource and, while you don't have to be a member to be on it, I like the idea that I'm helping to support it.


The Pub / Re: AHA joke thread
« on: March 12, 2012, 02:15:25 PM »
Murphy lay in hospital covered in bandages head to foot - with just two little slits for his eyes.

'What happened to you?' asked Cassidy.

'I staggered out of the pub and a lorry hit me a glancing blow and knocked me through a plate glass window.'

'Begod,' said Cassidy. 'It's a good job you were wearing those bandages or you'd have been cut to ribbons!'

Equipment and Software / Re: Cork-lined caps
« on: March 12, 2012, 01:44:06 PM »
My mother-in-law offered me a bag of those a couple years back.  The ones she had were from the mid-70's.  The ones you have could be quite old.


All Grain Brewing / Re: repeated stuck mashes
« on: March 12, 2012, 11:32:12 AM »
I assume your false bottom is the kind where a pipe elbow passes through so that the lower end is under the false bottom?  and the hose you're talking about goes from the other end of the elbow to the spigot outlet of your cooler?

What sometimes happens with that kind of setup is that the weight of the grain causes the false bottom to flex slightly such that the lower end of that elbow seals against the bottom of the cooler stopping the flow.  If it is flexing, maybe that's also what's allowing grain underneath.  Maybe, since you got your setup after your buddy, your false bottom uses cheaper/thinner stainless so his works and yours doesn't.

Maybe next time, try putting some sort of shim under the elbow so that it can't seal to the bottom?


My thoughts exactly.


The Pub / Re: AHA joke thread
« on: March 12, 2012, 09:44:31 AM »
What does dale earnhardt and pink floyd have in common?

There last hit was the wall

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

That's funny and just so right. I hear people praise PF, yet all I ever hear played is The Wall. Did they ever really have another hit? ;)
How old are you?  for those of us in our fifties who grew up listening to real rock & roll Pink Floyd was very cutting edge.

If they were so "cutting edge", then how come I only ever hear one song played on most music stations?

Having heard the music preferred by my children's generation, it has to do more with audience than the artist.  How about Brain Dead, Is there anybody out there?.  Here's a few albums they released:


All Grain Brewing / Re: Well that was cheap and easy.
« on: March 12, 2012, 07:53:43 AM »
I use a cheap digital I got for $7 at Walmart.  Works great and isn't too painful on the chechbook when I inevitably drop in the mash.

I also use my "Green Egg" remote thermometer when I'm heating mash and sparge water.  I mash inside and heat stuff outside so using this setup I don't have to go outside anymore than absolutely necessary.  8^)


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