Yes I am serious. But be sure to get Munton's Gold, not Munton's. Munton's is meh, has that bready thing going on like S-04.
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Instead of looking for high alpha acid substitutes for noble hops, you should stick with noble hops for flavor/aroma additions, and instead use the high alpha acid hops for bittering.
For lagers, I like Perle, Clusters, Styrian Goldings, Northern Brewer, and Magnum for bittering, in about that order. In the past I have tried varieties like Galena, Santiam and Vanguard for bittering, and found them to impart just enough American hop flavor to be distracting.
So, Cluster does not impart American hops flavor? I use Cluster in the CAP I brew, and have no problem with it in there. Fresh it does have the blackcurrant flavor that I don't associate with noble hops.
I'm not Jeff, but my local hardware store sells 55 lb. sacks of Munton's Maris Otter blend that is 2.1°L. I have an English summer bitter on tap right now with it that is pretty good. Not as much biscuit flavor as Crisp or Fawcett, though.Hardwood store? Where do you live? My hardware store has a crappy malt selection. Lots of tool etc. though.