[majorvices]

I didn't remove it, but OTOH I can understand why it was removed. I don't think it would be a good idea to turn the "joke thread" into an Obama bashing thread. If it makes you feel better I'll remove the other one.

[bo]

I didn't remove it, but OTOH I can understand why it was removed. I don't think it would be a good idea to turn the "joke thread" into an Obama bashing thread. If it makes you feel better I'll remove the other one.

Please don't remove it because of me.

[majorvices]

So, sorry folks but please no more political jokes. Many could easily be made about both sides of the isle and I would love to read every one but it's probably not a good place to air political affiliation or opinions. Sorry for the bummer.

[bo]

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge say's "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says, "Okay, let's get started."

[Slowbrew]

Sven and Ole lived in Southern Minnesota and one day the states decided  to move the border of Iowa 2 miles north.  Sven looked at Ole and said "Thank God we won't have to live through anymore hard Minnesota winters".

*** Edited to fix my pour engrish ***

[denny]

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge say's "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says, "Okay, let's get started."

I LIKE that!

[thebigbaker]

Two men walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

[weithman5]

how do you catch a unique rabbit?

u nique up on them

[morticaixavier]

Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench when a man in a trench coat walks up. He opens the coat to reveal that he is completely nude underneath.

the first old lady has a stroke
the second old lady has a stroke
the third old lady would have had a stroke but her arms were to short to reach.

Two nuns are driving along a country road late at night when suddenly a vampire leaps out in front of them. They screech to a halt and one nun says to the other, "lean out the window and show him your cross".

The second nun rolls down the window leans out and yells "GET OUT OF THE DAMN ROAD!!!!!!"

[Slowbrew]

Jimmy goes to confession and tells Father "Father, I've sinned four times".  Father asks "was with Marilyn, Susie, Janie, Cristine or Jacklyn"?  Jimmy doesn't answer so Father gives him 4 Our Fathers as his penance.  Jimmy leaves the confessional feeling pretty good because Father only gave him 4 Our Fathers but 5 good leads.

[repo]

Not really a joke but funny.
One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin
explained the"Buffalo Theory" to his buddy Norm:                     
 
"Well, ya see, Norm, it's like this.  A herd of
 buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo.
 And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and
weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural
selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the
general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving
by the regular killing of the weakest members!  In much the
same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the
slowest brain cells.  Excessive intake of alcohol, as we
know, kills brain cells.  But naturally, it attacks the
slowest and weakest brain cells first.. In this way,
regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain
cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine!
That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

[majorvices]

Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench when a man in a trench coat walks up. He opens the coat to reveal that he is completely nude underneath.

the first old lady has a stroke
the second old lady has a stroke
the third old lady would have had a stroke but her arms were to short to reach.

Two nuns are driving along a country road late at night when suddenly a vampire leaps out in front of them. They screech to a halt and one nun says to the other, "lean out the window and show him your cross".

The second nun rolls down the window leans out and yells "GET OUT OF THE DAMN ROAD!!!!!!"

I literally "LOL"ed on the first one. 

[pinnah]

u nique up on them

 .  This is the first time I laughed.  For some reason, that nasal voice is funny.



Sorry I have nothing to contribute;
sometimes I think it is weird that I don't know any jokes, and really can't remember any.

[weithman5]

u nique up on them

 .  This is the first time I laughed.  For some reason, that nasal voice is funny.



Sorry I have nothing to contribute;
sometimes I think it is weird that I don't know any jokes, and really can't remember any.

i have been racking my brain all day to remember jokes.  nothing makes me feel as bad when there is a joke i just heard or is right there and i can't quite get the details complete to tell it.

[punatic]

My family enjoys corny humor, word-play. bathroom humor and the like.  My wife and I both grew up in households were there were tons of puns...  It's a genetic kine ting.

This afternoon my 11 year old son and I were enjoying an after-school frozen float at the local drive-in; you know a scoop of ice cream in Pepsi Icee.  My son usually gets about 2/3 of the way through his and has to excuse himself to go to the restroom.

Today after the bathroom break he returns to the booth looking thoughtful, "You know Dad, I think those frozen floats are made with rocket fuel."

"Really, how so?"

"Every time I eat one I have an I.C.B.M."  (icey BM)

That's my boy!