Kai's recent post on polyphenol concentration based on crush method may be worth looking at. I don't know if you could have a significant effect with it, but you could try crushing your roasted grains less fine, conditioning your malt, or use a dehusked version like carafa special. There's also things you can do like a cold steep of roasted grains the night before (just use the water in the mash, and you may need more roasted malt), or you can add your roasted grains late in the mash to prevent extracting a lot of the harsher stuff from them. I haven't tried any of this stuff, just things I've read about.
I had the same issue with my dark beers and went through all sorts of stuff trying to adjust the water. I've come to realize that I don't like really roasted beer that much. I'm also not a coffee drinker, probably the same set of tastes. Is this a flavor you are getting, like harsh roast, burnt coffee? If so, then that is not astringency. Astringency is a mouthfeel that gives a puckering sensation like tea or dry red wine. You could have a combination of astringency and acridness going on.
An excessively low mash pH can cause an excessively harsh roast character, so make sure to check your mash pH with a reliable method no matter what spreadsheet you use. If your mash pH checks out in the correct range then you aren't extracting excessive polyphenols from the grain, and water adjustments are not going to do much to fix the problem, at least in my experience.