Two part-time jobs is a good start. Will keep you afloat while you restructure your life and pursue convergence to stability.
As for the other stuff... when people die, they just immediately lose relevance to me. I have at best blunted human emotion; in the major operation I am a cold, calculating machine and most of my emotion is emulated on top of a logical decision tree that attempts to decide what is appropriate and how much to allow, and what it means. I still don't understand what 'jealousy' actually is, it seems like nothing more than a huge failing in logic (assigning priority such that irrelevant matters take precedence over highly important matters, leading to the worst outcomes) and so I can't even fake it, much less experience it.
Perhaps you can stop to appreciate being human somewhere in this mess. The bad comes with the good.