Why did you not turn around and ask the secretary to make coffee?
Because there's a whole giant raft of socialization that would put her in a bad position if she did. Men who would ask would be galled at the temerity she was showing and possibly label her with epithet attached to "difficult women". Aka sometimes it's just easier to take a big ole bite of a crap sandwich if the time/place isn't right.
In my industry (and likely many others), there is a very fine line between "difficult woman" and "knowledgeable and respected woman". The latter involves knowing and being capable of 200-300% more than all of your colleagues and management, very carefully calculating when to show that knowledge (but not too much, lest you become the 'know it all'), being able to have a good sense about yourself in order to question authority at the appropriate time, and having a slightly crass humor to boot.
Amanda, that's a giant pile of crap to deal with and it sucks.
If you listen to the podcast at all, you know my feelings on these sorts of issues, so I'll leave it at that.
I am way behind on EB podcasts, but I'll be sure to give it a listen tomorrow.
...I can't believe you had to put up with that.
It happens everywhere. Neighbors making small talk over our latest yard project, the shed, go directly to the husband and ask about the plans. They just assume that he's in charge of it. They don't realize that I'm the one designing it, laying it out IRL, doing the material takeoff, and figuring out the schedule/cost estimate. I'll also be overseeing all the brute force work once it starts, making sure the project is built to my specs. Car salesmen (the worst!) go directly to the husband for negotiating, ignoring me in the process. They don't know that I handle all the finances and probably know more about the car than they do. Last time we bought a car, husband smiled at the guy and deferred to me. I decided to let the guy do his thing and then went in for the 'yeah, I know more than you and I'm not buying it' kill. I got so much out of him by the time it was all over and signed, the guy showed me the books on that car. We paid ~$2000 less than what he paid for it on trade in and we got a years worth of oil changes and a warranty (which would come in handy later when they replaced the engine for us for $0). He shook my hand and nodded as we left. Joke was on him! Hahaha. (I used all my knowledgeable/respected woman tricks mentioned above on him.)Please know that I'm not singing a "woe is me" song here - I am just attempting to shed light on something that is typically unnoticed or unintentional.
Anyway. I don't think I am treated this way at this forum or in the majority of homebrewing. It happens sometimes. Can we all be better about it? Sure. Normally it doesn't bother me to much and I can make a crass joke about it (how else do you think I've advanced in the construction industry??). But I just don't like seeing reminders of it on homebrew stuff.