I propose the IMF! International Maltiness Factor. For too long, hops have been dominating the market of "numerical defining" in beer with the ubiquitous IBU. Numerically defining water elements in ppm is a distant second. Who cares about yeast, right? I mean, you can always point to cell counting, but really... it's yeast. It actually doesn't count.

What about the mighty malt? Do we care so little that we are satisfied by simple word descriptions like 'backbone', or 'balance', or simply 'malty'. The very well trained beer nerd might stun us from time to time with descriptors like 'biscuity', or 'carmely', or 'nutty', but doesn't that just fall way short of the imperical ring of solid numbers? I say it's time! Nay, beyond time, when you can look at a beer menu and see ABV, IBU, and the IMF!

We need someone to step forward and take up this call for justice. A complex formula must be developed. How much of what kinds of grains. Each grain must first be analyzed of course, to create data points to draw from. After determining that, computations must be tested and developed to determine how those grain combinations react against all of the possible different water combinations. Then further adjustment computations to adapt to varying hop bitterness, flavors, and aromas. And finally, all of those possible outcomes must be data crunched as to how each possible yeast might effect the International Maltiness Factor at various possible fermentation temps. We would ultimately arrive at the final, indisputable, perfected IMF!

No more surprises when building a recipe! No more fretting when ordering a beer at your local pub! "How malty is the Neepa?" "Well sir, it has a balanced biscuity backbone." Bologna! Everyone needs to know exactly what they are getting, every time. With a number! Let's be honest here, if we don't have a scientifically derived number to look at, there's really no way to know precisely what maltiness we are actually tasting.

By the way, the IBU goes to 100, so I suggest that the IMF should go to 101! Though in fairness, we will never award an IMF above 100, the IMF 101 should remain sacred for only mythical beers. And we should never go below a courtesy IMF of 13.

Humbly submitted for your consideration

Perhaps once this is implemented we can finally find a decent malty beer in this country