Author Topic: what would you tell an early 30s north american man to do with his life?  (Read 2375 times)

Offline fredthecat

  • Brewmaster
  • *****
  • Posts: 602
I will NOT respond to this thread, so you are free to say your truest opinions. I would even ask that people don't respond to others' posts.

I am in my early 30s, more worldly in experience than the average north american, but less stable than some.

I know this forum tends to skew older than my age. What advice would you give me?

I appreciate and will read everything you post, but I will not reply, so that you don't feel any pressure.

Thanks in advance - From a brewer.

now drinking: abbot ale

Offline pete b

  • Official Poobah of No Life.
  • *
  • Posts: 3771
  • Barre, Ma
This is not your usual thread.
I think anyone of any age would do well to prioritize their spiritual and emotional health. I won’t suggest what this would look like to you, but at its core it means looking inward in a very objective way to learn what is real and what is a story built by your conditioning: societal, family etc. When I was your age a certain type of meditation helped me see a lot. I learned that my suffering was caused not by not getting what I wanted as I thought but by the lack of acceptance of how things were. That self knowledge was very freeing and made me more effective at dealing with life and accepting of others. Again, there are many paths: meditation, therapy, contemplation, religion etc., whatever speaks to you.
These days I feel we have learned that not much is really solid so for livelihood I recommend doing something that you care about and helps others as opposed to the easiest way to make money. You don’t have to be feeding the poor, it could mean working for a company that makes something that is helpful rather than harmful.
Thirteen years ago I took a pay cut to work for an organization that was aligned with my values and over the years I was promoted to more comfortable positions because I was motivated to do good work.
P.s. I won’t hold you to not replying, I don’t mind at all.
Don't let the bastards cheer you up.

Offline erockrph

  • Official Poobah of No Life.
  • *
  • Posts: 6987
  • Chepachet, RI
    • The Hop WHisperer
If you haven't begun already,  save aggressively for retirement. That's one thing I make sure to tell every student and intern we get - max out your 401k contribution the second you have access to it. You don't want to have to work till you're 80 because you're not prepared.

That said, money doesn't buy happiness. Find what you love and make time for it at any cost.

Sent from my SM-G975U using Tapatalk

Eric B.

Finally got around to starting a homebrewing blog: The Hop Whisperer

Offline MattyAHA

  • Brewer
  • ****
  • Posts: 430
i'm late 30's so i don't have the wisdom of some of the older members but what i can say is do what makes you content while at the same time stackin the dough and listen to your gut and take any advice with a grain of salt, i came to realize the one and only thing that really holds people back/down to achieving their dreams is fear so put your helmet on and go get it bro, have no fear this is just a ride
Matty


"This sweet nectar was my life blood"-  Phil "Landfill" krundle

Online dmtaylor

  • Official Poobah of No Life.
  • *
  • Posts: 4187
Find a good stable place to live that you don't just put up with, but actually kind of enjoy, and foresee yourself enjoying till you are old.

Find a good stable source of income that you don't just put up with, but actually kind of enjoy, and foresee yourself enjoying till you are old.

Find a good stable source of sex and intellectual stimulation that you don't just put up with, but actually kind of enjoy, and foresee yourself enjoying till you are old.

Find a good stable source of beer...

etc.

Some sources of unhappiness come from settling down in a less than adequate place, job, spouse, etc.  We only live once, as far as I can tell.  And life is too short to put up with any crap that is much less than enjoyable.

So that's my advice from a 45-year old schmuck who's been through some of this stuff and has a few minor regrets but overall not too bad.  Cheers.
Dave

The world will become a much more pleasant place to live when each and every one of us realizes that we are all idiots.

Offline hopfenundmalz

  • Global Moderator
  • I must live here
  • *****
  • Posts: 10156
  • Milford, MI
Travel.

As much as you can afford.

One day you will not be able to. Most of my fondest memories are from traveling. You are exposed to new places, people, and cultures. You learn that traveling gives you a better world view. Sometimes you can find some great beer to drink. Bonus.
Jeff Rankert
AHA Lifetime Member
BJCP National
Ann Arbor Brewers Guild
Home-brewing, not just a hobby, it is a lifestyle!

Offline Village Taphouse

  • Senior Brewmaster
  • ******
  • Posts: 1311
  • Ken from Chicago
    • The new Mayfair Court Brewhouse
I agree with travel.  I also agree with finding what you like in all matter of ways.  I recently looked around and decided to start removing things from my life that I do not enjoy.  Clearly we can't do that with EVERYTHING but sometimes you can shed things that cause you pain or anxiety.  Try not to allow others to control you or bring you down as best as possible.  The truth is that everyone is different and the only one who knows what makes you happy is you.  Do you enjoy being with others?  Then surround yourself with the best people you know.  Do you enjoy your own company?  Then make sure you set time aside for yourself.  One thing that seems to work for me is that I have low expectations... it's easier to be satisfied that way.  :P  Another thing that works for me is that I am a simple person and I don't need much.  I happen to have quite a bit more than I need because I am married and have three kids but I could be happy in a small townhome somewhere with as little as possible.  Also, the comments about saving for retirement... true.  Time is on your side and I know a lot of people who are going to be Walmart greeters or Uber drivers when they're in their 70s because they didn't think to save.  Good luck. 
« Last Edit: June 08, 2020, 07:25:26 PM by Village Taphouse »
Ken from Chicago

Offline TeeDubb

  • Assistant Brewer
  • ***
  • Posts: 117
  • San Jose, CA
I'll frame the answer a bit personally and say this is advice I would send back in time to my 30-YO self:

- Seek wholeness and health in the spiritual, emotional and physical aspects of your life. This is different for each person.
- You did not have a perfect childhood (no one did). Do some digging, deep work, find blind spots, seek to heal so that you're more likely to have better relationships on the personal side and in your professional life.
- Seek and find your true identity. You are not what you do professionally.
- Don't fall into the trap that you have to work like a machine until you're 67 or so. The retirement age came from an actuarial table. Saving aggressively, combined with time, compound interest and diversification can allow financial independence very early. Then, you can be very selective on what you choose to work on and pursue things of real passion. If you have a large family and other long term expenses, this can be more challenging.
- Pick a career, if you can, that is centered on passion and connection to What you (and the product or service) and the Who (people you work with). Focus less so on compensation.
- Seek meaningful relationships. People that will call you when there are dark days, not the ones that withdrawal in difficult times or send a Facebook reminded Happy Birthday once a year.
- True joy comes from being generous and helping others.
- Oh, and don't drink awful beer! Brew what you like, explore, enjoy the process, invite others to participate.
« Last Edit: June 08, 2020, 06:24:43 AM by TeeDubb »

Offline MattyAHA

  • Brewer
  • ****
  • Posts: 430
oh yeah most important, don't get married ;)
Matty


"This sweet nectar was my life blood"-  Phil "Landfill" krundle

Online denny

  • Administrator
  • Retired with too much time on my hands
  • *****
  • Posts: 23982
  • Noti OR [1991.4, 287.6deg] AR
    • Dennybrew
oh yeah most important, don't get married ;)

BS. Marry the right person.
Life begins at 60.....1.060, that is!

www.dennybrew.com

The best, sharpest, funniest, weirdest and most knowledgable minds in home brewing contribute on the AHA forum. - Alewyfe

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts." - Bertrand Russell

Offline fredthecat

  • Brewmaster
  • *****
  • Posts: 602
i said i wouldnt reply, but one person said they wouldn't hold me to it.


just wanted to say thanks to each of you and wow. better answers than i even expected. very good.

Offline Village Taphouse

  • Senior Brewmaster
  • ******
  • Posts: 1311
  • Ken from Chicago
    • The new Mayfair Court Brewhouse
I was noodling with this on my bike ride today.  One thought is to always be comfortable, happy and confident in who and where you are.  That may sound simple depending on who you are and the circles you're in but the world can be a competitive place.  In high school I was an average student and then I went to a local tech college and I did not finish.  Meanwhile my [now] wife finished her undergrad and then went to law school which means that in my 30s I might find myself at a posh company event surrounded by attorneys and Ivy league types and I always found it very intimidating.  Invariably, the conversation would come around to me, So, Ken... what do YOU do and where did you go to school?  s***.  I'm sure that my intimidation was me just being mindful of my wife and her coworkers but I was always uncomfortable in that spot.  At some point in my mid-20s I started my own business which is now in its 31st year.  So I suppose I had some reasonable response for those uber-successful people but let's be honest... "self-employed computer guy" is not really holding water with attorneys and Ivy leaguers.  I turned 55 this year and with age comes clarity and [hopefully] acceptance of things.  I'm comfortable with who I am.  For every one of those successful people I had contact with there are probably a hundred scratching to make $45k a year (who I would identify with more) and I never really had an obligation to impress those successful people anyway.  Be happy with who you are.  If there is something about you that you find hard to accept or bothers you in an impactful way, you either need to resolve that issue or come to terms with it. 
« Last Edit: June 08, 2020, 07:47:44 PM by Village Taphouse »
Ken from Chicago

Offline MDixon

  • Brewmaster General
  • *******
  • Posts: 2174
Save every penny you can, preferably into retirement accounts.

If you hate your job, find another job. Something you hate now will only get worse as you age.

My father once said if something irritates you about a significant other before you wed, it will only get worse after you wed. Note: his verbiage utilized some language we try to avoid on this forum.

Travel so long as it does not cause you to go into debt.

Debt - be sure you have none except for housing and transportation.

Live below your means. If you make $20 and spend $20.01 you will never be happy. If you make $20 and spend/save $19.99 you will never be unhappy.

Buy on quality, not price. $100 spent on a piece of furniture which will only last 5 years is not money well spent if you can find a $300 piece of furniture which will last 40 years.

Do not keep up with the Joneses, they are more than likely up to their eyeballs in debt.

Drink water in a restaurant as opposed to soft drink or tea, save thousands over a lifetime.

If you can do it yourself perfectly then do it since no one else will do it perfectly. If you cannot do it perfectly then find a professional who will.

Make every career move you initiate a move forward. Some moves will be made for you and they may set you back.

Do not be afraid to say NO.

Make your goal to save a year's worth of expenses in case of emergency. That way if you want to quit or get laid off you are safe and don't have to take the first job you find. It's much easier to buy a car when you are driving then when you are walking.

Ask yourself if you need something before you buy it. It's fine to splurge, but buying something you don't need just accumulates stuff. Often you can rent or borrow and return. Always return in as good, or better condition than the item was provided to you.

Don't break the rules or laws. The truth is the safest lie.

Be careful who you tell what. Not everyone wants to see you succeed. Similarly, hold your cards tight to your chest with regard to politics, salary, and personal matters. A true friend will be there whether you are king of the world or living in a slum. The key is finding those friends and surrounding yourself with them.

If you are doing something which doesn't bring you happiness or doesn't make you money, then stop and do something else.

Lastly, drink water, as much as you can stand, all the time. You will always feel your best when you are well hydrated.
It's not a popularity contest, it's beer!

Offline Village Taphouse

  • Senior Brewmaster
  • ******
  • Posts: 1311
  • Ken from Chicago
    • The new Mayfair Court Brewhouse
Save every penny you can, preferably into retirement accounts.

If you hate your job, find another job. Something you hate now will only get worse as you age.

My father once said if something irritates you about a significant other before you wed, it will only get worse after you wed. Note: his verbiage utilized some language we try to avoid on this forum.

Travel so long as it does not cause you to go into debt.

Debt - be sure you have none except for housing and transportation.

Live below your means. If you make $20 and spend $20.01 you will never be happy. If you make $20 and spend/save $19.99 you will never be unhappy.

Buy on quality, not price. $100 spent on a piece of furniture which will only last 5 years is not money well spent if you can find a $300 piece of furniture which will last 40 years.

Do not keep up with the Joneses, they are more than likely up to their eyeballs in debt.

Drink water in a restaurant as opposed to soft drink or tea, save thousands over a lifetime.

If you can do it yourself perfectly then do it since no one else will do it perfectly. If you cannot do it perfectly then find a professional who will.

Make every career move you initiate a move forward. Some moves will be made for you and they may set you back.

Do not be afraid to say NO.

Make your goal to save a year's worth of expenses in case of emergency. That way if you want to quit or get laid off you are safe and don't have to take the first job you find. It's much easier to buy a car when you are driving then when you are walking.

Ask yourself if you need something before you buy it. It's fine to splurge, but buying something you don't need just accumulates stuff. Often you can rent or borrow and return. Always return in as good, or better condition than the item was provided to you.

Don't break the rules or laws. The truth is the safest lie.

Be careful who you tell what. Not everyone wants to see you succeed. Similarly, hold your cards tight to your chest with regard to politics, salary, and personal matters. A true friend will be there whether you are king of the world or living in a slum. The key is finding those friends and surrounding yourself with them.

If you are doing something which doesn't bring you happiness or doesn't make you money, then stop and do something else.

Lastly, drink water, as much as you can stand, all the time. You will always feel your best when you are well hydrated.
So much WIN here. 
Ken from Chicago

Offline Slowbrew

  • I spend way too much time on the AHA forum
  • ********
  • Posts: 2745
  • The Slowly Losing IT Brewery in Urbandale, IA
If you hate your job, find another job. Something you hate now will only get worse as you age.

My father once said if something irritates you about a significant other before you wed, it will only get worse after you wed. Note: his verbiage utilized some language we try to avoid on this forum.



I'm living proof that you can be really good at stuff you hate to do.  The problem with that is that sooner or later that's all anyone thinks you can do.  Try different jobs while you are young and keep the work that makes you happy.  You just get bitter doing things you hate.

My dad always said "look at your girlfriend's mother now.  In 30 years that's what you'll be living with."  Not 100% true (yet) but it holds a large truth within it).  ::)

And travel when you can afford it.  Not just in your home state, region or country.  International experiences will open your eyes to many other points of view and opportunities. 

Paul
Where the heck are we going?  And what's with this hand basket?