Author Topic: what would you tell an early 30s north american man to do with his life?  (Read 2376 times)

Offline Visor

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   As far as burning bridges is concerned I would agree with what others have said but with the amendment of if you're gonna burn one, make damn sure it's worth it.
    I've only twisted off from one job in my life, that one was working for a guy who was probably the most abusive & vitriolic bully I've ever known. I learned early on that the only good way to deal with him when he was in full blown tyrant mode was to get in his face and be just as ugly as he was being, since he was a classic bully if you stood up to him he's immediately start pissing backward. Even though I knew how to deal with his tantrums, and sometimes actually enjoyed winning our confrontations, working for him was as stressful as square dancing in a minefield. When I finally had belly full and decided that his next excess would be the last one in my presence we got into it on a roof in front of the whole crew, the purely verbal battle that ensued was about as much fun as I've had as an adult and unbelievably satisfying, and as I walked away from the jobsite I felt like I was floating a foot off the ground. That fire was definitely worth it, hopefully you'll never wind up in a situation which is that unpleasant.
I spent most of my money on beer, tools and guns, the rest I foolishly squandered on stupid stuff!

Offline denny

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I owned and ran a recording studio for 30 years.  Should be a dream job...writing and recording music for film and video.  It was cool at first.  After 30 years it was just another job I had to go to every day.

   Did you ever work a regular job again after leaving your business? After 9 years of owning a business I don't know how well I'd handle working a regular job, all the "jobs" I've had since have been casual, single job, one off deals. My intent since I left my store has always been to start another business.

Kinda.  I was an audio engineer and stagehand at a performing arts center.  But that's not exactkky a "regular" job,
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Offline denny

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I owned and ran a recording studio for 30 years.  Should be a dream job...writing and recording music for film and video.  It was cool at first.  After 30 years it was just another job I had to go to every day.

   Did you ever work a regular job again after leaving your business? After 9 years of owning a business I don't know how well I'd handle working a regular job, all the "jobs" I've had since have been casual, single job, one off deals. My intent since I left my store has always been to start another business.
I think the lack of stress would make it worth the chance.  I've been my own boss since 1984, but unlike Denny I still have a separate and private life away from the business.

And now I've pretty much started another business based on homebrewing.  I really struggle to not let it get oout of hand, but sometimes it does.  I don't want homebrewing to become another job.
Life begins at 60.....1.060, that is!

www.dennybrew.com

The best, sharpest, funniest, weirdest and most knowledgable minds in home brewing contribute on the AHA forum. - Alewyfe

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts." - Bertrand Russell

Offline allenhuerta

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I need to read through all of this and take notes. I feel like I've done a lot but I still haven't done anything with my life lol

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Offline Slowbrew

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I need to read through all of this and take notes. I feel like I've done a lot but I still haven't done anything with my life lol

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You get to choose what you count as "accomplishments". 
For me? 
    Raised 4 kids who have turned out to being excellent adults. 
    I haven't been kicked out by my wife of 33 years, yet.
    I've achieved enough success in my career to be comfortable, if not happy with the work.
    Have become at least passable as a woodworker and a brewer.
    And I have yet to actually yell at anyone to get off my lawn.

Pretty good list, if I say so myself.

Paul
Where the heck are we going?  And what's with this hand basket?

Offline MattyAHA

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oh yeah another thing, this being a beer forum and all but make sure you control your alcohol consumption , it can grab you by the B@$$'s and destroy you if you let it, we all have a tendency to focus on the beautiful aspects of beer but some of us (me) forget that too much can put your D in the dirt and hinder you , so enjoy beer, enjoy making beer but most importantly be healthy
Matty


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Offline BrewBama

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what would you tell an early 30s north american man to do with his life?
« Reply #36 on: June 14, 2020, 08:35:27 PM »
+1 ...drink like a brewer.

Edit: ...and learn to think independently. Don’t consume nightly news, newspapers, or online blogs as if they were the truth. Research the truth without the narrative and opinion. Decide for yourself.

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« Last Edit: July 09, 2020, 11:23:00 AM by BrewBama »
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Offline fredthecat

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oh yeah another thing, this being a beer forum and all but make sure you control your alcohol consumption , it can grab you by the B@$$'s and destroy you if you let it, we all have a tendency to focus on the beautiful aspects of beer but some of us (me) forget that too much can put your D in the dirt and hinder you , so enjoy beer, enjoy making beer but most importantly be healthy

Yeah. I stayed off hard liquor for many years and just drank beer and rarely wine. Then started drinking some liquor again though mostly 20-25% asian strength ones. Started drinking whiskey a bit here. It's just too easy to go from sober to too-pissed too fast with 40% spirits. I'm off it again for now.

This covid lockdown crap has been a major cause of excessive drinking though.



Offline narvin

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This covid lockdown crap has been a major cause of excessive drinking though.

I will agree to that.  "Hey, it's 4pm and Im home, time for happy hour!"

Offline skyler

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  • Hmm. Human music. I like it.
Ok, I am in my mid-30's and very stable for the first time ever. My perspective will differ greatly from people born before 1980 or so because reality is that opportunities afforded young men have changed drastically from previous generations to this one.

  • Professional Life: I am going to assume you don't have a proper career and that your income is inconsistent, or else you wouldn't have made this post. If I am wrong, no problem. But I don't think I am. So, I will say, get a day job (if you can). Working literally anywhere is better than not working. Then do everything in your power to get into the profession that suits you. You are already old enough that NOTHING high risk is going to pan out for you. If you were going to be a movie star, you would already be in movies. If you were going to be a rock star, you would already have a major record label. If you were going to be a great chef, you would already be sous chef somewhere highly rated. Go down the list: every sexy exciting career opportunity is donezo for you, which is freeing.

    If you didn't go to college or finish college, don't bother now unless someone else is paying for it. No one is excited about hiring a 36 year-old recent college graduate with no life experience. If you did go to college, but you have been considering grad school: why? If you think a MA will jumpstart your career or let you start at a higher level than just doing 2 years of entry level work, you are probably wrong. If you are just deciding now to try to be a lawyer or a dentist or something, don't bother. Either one will leave you with $150k-250k of debt that you will probably never pay off (and I am saying this as a lawyer with $180k of debt). This doesn't mean all education is worthless -- it is still a decent time to get a certification from a trade program at a community college, for example. Or you can take a continuing education program at a public university in a field you like. Just take a class or two, assuming the cost is low. Then you will have something to talk about in an entry-level interview.

    Some employers worth considering for someone with zero valuable experience and skills: Grocery stores (particularly Trader Joe's and Costco), shipping companies, government agencies and anything with a union (especially healthcare and law enforcement -- cops make twice what you think they do after you calculate their full benefits package and overtime and disposable income can be higher for nurses than doctors after you consider student loans).

    No job that has inconsistent income (sales), considers you an "independent contractor" or requires you to pay them before you make money (multilevel marketing) are worth it.

    Don't start a business unless it's with (at least partially) someone else's money or you can get an unsecured loan.

  • Personal/Romantic Life: Be 100% honest about what you want. If you want to be married within 2 years and have 2 kids before you're 40, you should let people know that. If you want your partner to perform certain unusual sex acts daily, maybe wait until the third date, but don't hide that, either. If you go into a relationship wanting one thing, but pretending like you want something else, you won't be happy and neither will your partner.

    If you are single and don't want to be, absolutely do not use Tindr or Grindr or any other "hookup" apps or services. Don't use free dating services, either -- pay for the premium package on whatever app or service appears to be marketing to you. Don't present the version of yourself you think people want, just present who you think you are and what you want. I was lucky enough to never date online and to marry someone I met in college, but most of my friends and family members my age or younger were less lucky.

  • Decisions that matter more than you think: Where to live? Where you live doesn't just mean what people and bars are nearby, it also means what opportunities are you likely to find or not find. Any city that is really hip, for example, will have 10 times the number of applicants for every job at your age group as a city that isn't hip. Small towns are going to benefit locals more than bigger cities. Then the "local industry" will flavor everything. In the bay area, if you don't work in tech, you are generally at a disadvantage because no one else pays as much and the cost of living (particularly housing) is built around a society where people are all earning six figures and not having kids until they're 35. Try buying a house somewhere with a good school district a commutable distance from your middle class office job in Oakland -- you likely won't find a 3BR house for less than $800,000 near a decent school within a 45-minute drive from downtown Oakland. But it's even harder elsewhere. In Portland, OR, that same $80k office job in Oakland will pay $45k and will go to someone with connections or 10 years experience because there are just so many young people who want to live in Portland. The best opportunities are usually doing things other people don't want to do, be it living in a place that's "not cool" or doing a job that's not impressive. But a plumber makes more than a teacher and a job posting in San Diego wants more experience for less pay than the same job posting in Modesto, where the cost of living is about 1/3 what it is in San Diego. That's just how it is.

    What to buy? Responsibility is cooler the older you get. Driving a Nissan and wearing Clarks loafers didn't seem like it communicated "success" to me when I was 25, but now I know that it communicates "he has his s*** together" to the rest of the world, who laughs at the 35 year-old guy with a receding hairline who gets out of his Camaro wearing $300 basketball shoes. Responsibility isn't just avoiding impractical purchases, but also knowing when to spend more. There are so many ways you can save yourself money by buying better upfront, and it usually won't make you look any better. Buy better grout when you redo your bathroom. Get yourself the best mattress you can afford -- your back is worth it. Good quality sheets cost 5 times as much as cheap sheets, but last 10 times longer and feel 10 times better.

    Who to hang out with? First of all, if you're already 30, the time for making mistakes is over. No one who does cocaine or manipulates drunk women into having regrettable sex with them is friend material anymore. No one who gets in fights with strangers or values people based on how hot their significant others are is friend material. Grown-ups only from here on out. Also, the longer a relationship has lasted, the more it is worth. Your friend from high school who you kept in regular contact with until he moved to another state two years ago is worth staying in touch with. Your best drinking buddy who you have known for the past 8 months isn't worth as much to you, even if it feels like he is. Your cousins who you grew up with care more about you than your work friends do and they know you better, too. Your parents will die and before they do that, they will be weaker/dumber/less competent than you. They are worth getting dinner with sometimes.
« Last Edit: July 10, 2020, 04:38:18 PM by skyler »

Offline fredthecat

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Ok, I am in my mid-30's and very stable for the first time ever. My perspective will differ greatly from people born before 1980 or so because reality is that opportunities afforded young men have changed drastically from previous generations to this one.

  • Professional Life: I am going to assume you don't have a proper career and that your income is inconsistent, or else you wouldn't have made this post. If I am wrong, no problem. But I don't think I am. So, I will say, get a day job (if you can). Working literally anywhere is better than not working. Then do everything in your power to get into the profession that suits you. You are already old enough that NOTHING high risk is going to pan out for you. If you were going to be a movie star, you would already be in movies. If you were going to be a rock star, you would already have a major record label. If you were going to be a great chef, you would already be sous chef somewhere highly rated. Go down the list: every sexy exciting career opportunity is donezo for you, which is freeing.

    If you didn't go to college or finish college, don't bother now unless someone else is paying for it. No one is excited about hiring a 36 year-old recent college graduate with no life experience. If you did go to college, but you have been considering grad school: why? If you think a MA will jumpstart your career or let you start at a higher level than just doing 2 years of entry level work, you are probably wrong. If you are just deciding now to try to be a lawyer or a dentist or something, don't bother. Either one will leave you with $150k-250k of debt that you will probably never pay off (and I am saying this as a lawyer with $180k of debt). This doesn't mean all education is worthless -- it is still a decent time to get a certification from a trade program at a community college, for example. Or you can take a continuing education program at a public university in a field you like. Just take a class or two, assuming the cost is low. Then you will have something to talk about in an entry-level interview.

    Some employers worth considering for someone with zero valuable experience and skills: Grocery stores (particularly Trader Joe's and Costco), shipping companies, government agencies and anything with a union (especially healthcare and law enforcement -- cops make twice what you think they do after you calculate their full benefits package and overtime and disposable income can be higher for nurses than doctors after you consider student loans).

    No job that has inconsistent income (sales), considers you an "independent contractor" or requires you to pay them before you make money (multilevel marketing) are worth it.

    Don't start a business unless it's with (at least partially) someone else's money or you can get an unsecured loan.

  • Personal/Romantic Life: Be 100% honest about what you want. If you want to be married within 2 years and have 2 kids before you're 40, you should let people know that. If you want your partner to perform certain unusual sex acts daily, maybe wait until the third date, but don't hide that, either. If you go into a relationship wanting one thing, but pretending like you want something else, you won't be happy and neither will your partner.

    If you are single and don't want to be, absolutely do not use Tindr or Grindr or any other "hookup" apps or services. Don't use free dating services, either -- pay for the premium package on whatever app or service appears to be marketing to you. Don't present the version of yourself you think people want, just present who you think you are and what you want. I was lucky enough to never date online and to marry someone I met in college, but most of my friends and family members my age or younger were less lucky.

  • Decisions that matter more than you think: Where to live? Where you live doesn't just mean what people and bars are nearby, it also means what opportunities are you likely to find or not find. Any city that is really hip, for example, will have 10 times the number of applicants for every job at your age group as a city that isn't hip. Small towns are going to benefit locals more than bigger cities. Then the "local industry" will flavor everything. In the bay area, if you don't work in tech, you are generally at a disadvantage because no one else pays as much and the cost of living (particularly housing) is built around a society where people are all earning six figures and not having kids until they're 35. Try buying a house somewhere with a good school district a commutable distance from your middle class office job in Oakland -- you likely won't find a 3BR house for less than $800,000 near a decent school within a 45-minute drive from downtown Oakland. But it's even harder elsewhere. In Portland, OR, that same $80k office job in Oakland will pay $45k and will go to someone with connections or 10 years experience because there are just so many young people who want to live in Portland. The best opportunities are usually doing things other people don't want to do, be it living in a place that's "not cool" or doing a job that's not impressive. But a plumber makes more than a teacher and a job posting in San Diego wants more experience for less pay than the same job posting in Modesto, where the cost of living is about 1/3 what it is in San Diego. That's just how it is.

    What to buy? Responsibility is cooler the older you get. Driving a Nissan and wearing Clarks loafers didn't seem like it communicated "success" to me when I was 25, but now I know that it communicates "he has his s*** together" to the rest of the world, who laughs at the 35 year-old guy with a receding hairline who gets out of his Camaro wearing $300 basketball shoes. Responsibility isn't just avoiding impractical purchases, but also knowing when to spend more. There are so many ways you can save yourself money by buying better upfront, and it usually won't make you look any better. Buy better grout when you redo your bathroom. Get yourself the best mattress you can afford -- your back is worth it. Good quality sheets cost 5 times as much as cheap sheets, but last 10 times longer and feel 10 times better.

    Who to hang out with? First of all, if you're already 30, the time for making mistakes is over. No one who does cocaine or manipulates drunk women into having regrettable sex with them is friend material anymore. No one who gets in fights with strangers or values people based on how hot their significant others are is friend material. Grown-ups only from here on out. Also, the longer a relationship has lasted, the more it is worth. Your friend from high school who you kept in regular contact with until he moved to another state two years ago is worth staying in touch with. Your best drinking buddy who you have known for the past 8 months isn't worth as much to you, even if it feels like he is. Your cousins who you grew up with care more about you than your work friends do and they know you better, too. Your parents will die and before they do that, they will be weaker/dumber/less competent than you. They are worth getting dinner with sometimes.


I've been watching this thread, thinking of what to say recently. Thanks for the great reply, I do feel like you've seen a lot of the stuff I am looking at when I asked the initial question.

The clarification is that I did have a proper career in another country, and can do it to a lesser degree here, but don't have the necessary degree to really be on top in it. Also not sure if that's really what I want to do for the next 30 years. I actually have enough money to coast for the next decade easily.

Yes, I am very practical now. I am no longer interested in being an individual or "known" or anything like that.


-My romantic life is basically shelved for now. I'm not interested really at the moment and can't imaging being in a situation of having "divorce" and all its accompaniments hanging over my head again.


Maybe to give a little back on the romantic/friends aspect. I think I refuse to go out drinking at bars with people. I will happily drink at their house or outdoors, or I hope to do more daytime coffee dates. I just don't like anything about drinking at bars. Such a waste of time.


So basically, at the moment I am torn between starting at the low-mid level of a decent job with little chance for advancement, or prioritizing a 1 year max degree for a skilled trade or a small step up in this career.

-

Offline ravenwater

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I find this a very engaging thread. I agree with so much of what others have said. How does one distill down the most important stuff when there are so many things to be considered? Having said that, here are a few thoughts I'd contribute (BTW I'm 58) - -
Be willing to admit you're wrong. You will be.
Don't confuse needs with wants or facts with opinions - this will save you a lot of angst and make for a better outlook towards your fellow human.
Be kind, encourage others. Kindness goes a long way - people will remember how you made them feel well past remembering what you said.
Laugh a lot - find joy, enjoy the absurdity of things, don't take yourself too seriously, and tickle other people's funny bone (give them joy)
Helping others or contributing to causes greater than yourself are pathways to happiness. You can get a lot from giving.
Try to notice when your life feels out of balance so you can ask why and if perhaps you should adjust your expectations, adjust your priorities, or enlist others in helping you get what you feel you want more or less of.
Examine your relationships to see if you're getting as much out as you're putting in - this doesn't mean things always have to balance out as there are many reasons we might choose to put up with stuff we don't love from others, but also don't feel you have to put up with people who are abusive, demean you, or are narcissists.
Express love and gratitude to others often.
Shawn Crawford  -  Rio Rancho, NM.  
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Life is good. Beer makes it gooder.

Offline skyler

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  • Hmm. Human music. I like it.
Maybe to give a little back on the romantic/friends aspect. I think I refuse to go out drinking at bars with people. I will happily drink at their house or outdoors, or I hope to do more daytime coffee dates. I just don't like anything about drinking at bars. Such a waste of time.


So basically, at the moment I am torn between starting at the low-mid level of a decent job with little chance for advancement, or prioritizing a 1 year max degree for a skilled trade or a small step up in this career.

Well the pandemic makes an excellent time to get a 1-year trade certification taken care of. If you are in the US, I say try to get it from a community college. It's the cheapest way, usually. Private trade schools charge you way more.

Daytime coffee dates? Ain't nobody got time for that. At 30, a woman is usually either looking for a serious relationship or a one night stand. The simple reality is that it can be very hard to have a child after 35 and so most single women your age are either looking to "catch up" in the family department or already have kids and can't handle "dating" the way they did in their 20's. So you're either "dating seriously" or you're "hooking up." You can't expect to casually date women in your 30's in the daytime unless you look like a Hemsworth. Since you don't want a serious relationship, why try to pull in "nice girls" with a daytime coffee date? No one dating casually in their 30's wants coffee and conversation from a person they don't take seriously -- it's a waste of time. You don't have to go to a bar, per se, and especially not during the pandemic (outdoor restaurant that serves alcohol would be my recommendation), but you can't expect a woman 25-35 to want to have sparkling conversation in the daytime, then a casual physical relationship that is going nowhere. The small number of single women over 25 who never want kids and are looking to hook up are, frankly, hooking up with the top 1% most attractive guys on Tindr because that's just how it is; it was the same way back in the okcupid era.

Disregard if you're dating men or members of the trans community -- different rules apply. Basically, if you don't want a serious relationship with a straight woman and you're not particularly good-looking or charming and you don't want to go to bars to try to hook up or meet new people, you should probably just use a hookup app like Tindr and resign yourself to not getting any most of the time. But be honest - "Michael - introverted, bald 5'6" overweight and into butt stuff" will do better than the same "Michael" who says he is 5'10" and shows a picture of himself hiking 5 years earlier and 40 lbs lighter with "loves meeting new people and anything outdoors" and then shows up being a 5'6" bald fatty with a briefcase full of butt plugs.
« Last Edit: July 10, 2020, 06:10:50 PM by skyler »

Offline MDixon

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My only nit on your comments is the sales. If he thinks he might be good at sales he should give it a try. At one time I was a design engineer/project manager. The company folded so I rolled into sales with a new employer. The salary increase was immediately 40% excluding bonuses/commission. It's been a long time, but my current base is 3X what I made as a design engineer. Now I am a seasoned sales professional with professional credentials, but if successful he could have a lucrative career so long as his boss isn't a buttplug.

I do agree a sales career as an independent consultant is not worth pursuing. Better to have a base salary which is sustainable plus bonus and/or commissions.

He shouldn't be afraid to change jobs. I enjoyed my last job, but it gave me zero time to do much other than work. I was busy all the time. I jumped ship in January to a different company and nowadays my day ends at 5pm. Cannot travel currently due to the virus and work rules. Was actually told today I was doing quite well. Imagine how much better that can/will be once I'm allowed to cover my territory properly. ;)
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Offline Bilsch

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What advice would you give me?

Spend less time on brewing forums.