I can only write like I talk, Y'all.
Unfortunately it's just as natural for me to be highbrow as it is for me to be lowbrow, so I end up with some weird speech and writing patterns.
I said something the other day and my wife's friend asked, "What movie is that from?" I told her it wasn't a movie line. She says, "Oh, it sounds like a line from a Clint Eastwood movie."
"Reckon so," says I.