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Don't ask me how I know this, but if you buy your wife clothing of any kind, always buy 2-3 sizes smaller than she needs. Oh, and never, ever say, "Well it looked good on that girl in Victoria's Secret".
Every year one of the family will get a gag gift from me, nobody knows who the target is except me. I once gave my wife a "diamond necklace" all wrapped up nice in a jewelry store box. It was a 1" diamond core drilling bit I got at work with a ceiling fan pull cord for the necklace. Sure the diamonds were tiny but "honey there are about 200,000 of them". Of course a gift like that requires something else extra special to stay out of the Doghouse.
"What do you mean? My mistress loved it, and it fit her perfectly!"
This year I think Im gonna get creative; I cant afford any jewelry. Im gonna wrap myself up in nothing but Saran wrap and a bow then wait for her under the tree.