### Author Topic: A Christmas Story  (Read 5992 times)

#### tschmidlin

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• Redmond, WA
##### Re: A Christmas Story
« Reply #30 on: December 16, 2010, 10:46:38 am »
A bunch of blahdy blady blah...

You missed the Good Eats Santa Cookie episode. Santa can manipulate time. It makes sense
why would he only travel once a year? Because it takes him a year to visit all the homes. It just
feels like 31 hours to us...
I did miss that episode.  So let's see, Santa has 8760 hours to do it instead of 31.  Let's even go to 8784, best case scenario is a leap year, right?  So he can move 283 (let's round up to 284) times slower.  That's still over 8000 mph, more than 10 times the speed of sound.  If we simplify the sleigh and reindeer to be a point, which they obviously are not, the lead pair of reindeer still must absorb 1 quadrillion joules of heat per second, each.  It might not happen as quickly, but you still end up with reindeer/sleigh/Santa ash.
Tom Schmidlin

#### akr71

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• Posts: 549
• Beer Ain't Drinkin' - Mojo Nixon
##### Re: A Christmas Story
« Reply #31 on: December 16, 2010, 10:58:51 am »
But by your own admission, he doesn't need to visit large parts of Asia and Africa.  Plus, places that celebrate Little Christmas (January 6, I think) wouldn't expect the Jolly Old Elf to visit until then.

How do these factor into his fate?
Andy

#### euge

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• Ego ceruisam ad bibere cervisiam
##### Re: A Christmas Story
« Reply #32 on: December 16, 2010, 11:03:54 am »
At least now we know why Rudolph's nose is red...
The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. -Richard P. Feynman

Laws are spider-webs, which catch the little flies, but cannot hold the big ones. -Anacharsis

#### tschmidlin

• I must live here
• Posts: 8198
• Redmond, WA
##### Re: A Christmas Story
« Reply #33 on: December 16, 2010, 11:22:17 am »
But by your own admission, he doesn't need to visit large parts of Asia and Africa.  Plus, places that celebrate Little Christmas (January 6, I think) wouldn't expect the Jolly Old Elf to visit until then.

How do these factor into his fate?
The date isn't important, since we're giving him the whole year to do it.  And I think the differences in location are small compared to the several advantages we're giving SAnta, like using a point mass to calculate kinetic energy, neglecting to account for sleeping, bathroom breaks, and quality time with Mrs. Santa.  We'll assume Santa eats nothing but the cookies and milk that little kids leave out for him, or we'd have to factor in meals as well.
Tom Schmidlin

#### punatic

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##### Re: A Christmas Story
« Reply #34 on: December 16, 2010, 02:33:30 pm »
My son has been a Harry Potter fan since he was two.  Each year Harry's owl, Hedwig, would come and take my son's Dear Santa letter from our mail box to the North Pole.

Now what are we going to do?
There is only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way.

AHA Life Member #33907

#### theDarkSide

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##### Re: A Christmas Story
« Reply #35 on: December 16, 2010, 02:34:59 pm »
My son has been a Harry Potter fan since he was two.  Each year Harry's owl, Hedwig, would come and take my son's Dear Santa letter from our mail box to the North Pole.

Now what are we going to do?

Errol is still around, isn't he?  Of course the letter may take longer to get there.
Seacoast Homebrew Club - Portsmouth, NH
AHA Member
Stephen Mayo
------------------------------------------------

#### jeffy

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• Tampa, Fl
##### Re: A Christmas Story
« Reply #36 on: December 16, 2010, 03:20:15 pm »
The date isn't important, since we're giving him the whole year to do it.  And I think the differences in location are small compared to the several advantages we're giving SAnta, like using a point mass to calculate kinetic energy, neglecting to account for sleeping, bathroom breaks, and quality time with Mrs. Santa.  We'll assume Santa eats nothing but the cookies and milk that little kids leave out for him, or we'd have to factor in meals as well.

Ok I've read about enough, Tom!  It's not about the FACTS it's about having faith.  If you had just an ounce of faith you, too,  could believe! When it comes down to it, Tom, you want to believe don't you?!  How does Santa do it?  Who are we, to ask such a silly question?  Here's the important part; Tom, I believe in you, I have faith that you, too, can believe!  Come on, try it with us!

Should we all click our heels together or clap our hands or something?
Jeff Gladish, Tampa (989.3, 175.1 Apparent Rennarian)
Homebrewing since 1990
AHA member since 1991, now a lifetime member
BJCP judge since 1995

#### denny

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• Noti OR [1991.4, 287.6deg] AR
##### Re: A Christmas Story
« Reply #37 on: December 16, 2010, 03:22:39 pm »
Should we all click our heels together or clap our hands or something?

Have you seen "Elf"?  You sing "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town"!
Life begins at 60.....1.060, that is!

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The best, sharpest, funniest, weirdest and most knowledgable minds in home brewing contribute on the AHA forum. - Alewyfe

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts." - Bertrand Russell

#### punatic

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##### Re: A Christmas Story
« Reply #38 on: December 16, 2010, 06:54:50 pm »
There is only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way.

AHA Life Member #33907

#### punatic

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##### Re: A Christmas Story
« Reply #39 on: December 16, 2010, 06:56:18 pm »
My son has been a Harry Potter fan since he was two.  Each year Harry's owl, Hedwig, would come and take my son's Dear Santa letter from our mail box to the North Pole.

Now what are we going to do?

Errol is still around, isn't he?  Of course the letter may take longer to get there.

"Bloody bird's a menace!"
There is only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way.

AHA Life Member #33907

#### tumarkin

• Brewmaster
• Posts: 666
##### Re: A Christmas Story
« Reply #40 on: December 17, 2010, 05:11:07 am »
ok, so I remember seeing a homebrewers Night Before Christmas in years past and of course I google it.  there were several versions out there, all different & each good in there own right, but this is the one that's probably most appropriate here, though maybe Denny needs a new avatar.......

Twas the night before Christmas (@ NB)
by Legman » Tue Dec 22, 2009 4:41 pm

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
not a beer was brewing, not even a Rauch.
The hops were hung by the chimney with care,
in hopes that Denny Conn soon would be there.

The brewers were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Robust Porters danced in their heads.
And Bo_gator with his Stout, and I finishing my CAP,
Had just filled a pint glass of Winter Warmer straight from the tap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the barstool to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the newly-poured pint,
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects insight.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But Weazletoe dressed as a pirate, dry-humping my fake reindeer.

Stumbling from the bushes, with slurs from his thick tongue,
I knew in a moment it must be Denny Conn.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now MullerBrau! now, Boulderbrewer! now, Shadetree and Kaiser!
On, ColoradoBrewer! On, Capozzoli! on, on Humulus_guy and Vanwolfhausen!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With a shopping cart full of kegs, and Denny Conn too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,
The stumbling and cussing of each drunken goof.
As I savored my pint’s frothy head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Denny Conn came with a bound.

He was dressed all in grey, except for red Chucks,
And his clothes were all beer stained and a chicken hat that clucked.
A bundle of grains he had flung on his back,
And he looked like an old hippy, just opening his pack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, he’s drank too much
Wheat beer flavored with cherry!
The drool on his mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

The stem of a goblet he held tight in his teeth,
And he wasn’t embarrassed to scratch somewhere beneath.
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly homebrewer,
And I laughed when I saw Beerider and BRANDON,
Fighting and throwing dog manure!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings, then swaggered with a jerk.
And laying his goblet aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!

He staggered to his shopping cart, to his team gave a mumble,
And away they all flew, er...uh…more like stumbled.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Brewing to all, and tu zull a guperd mpmumpight!
Mark Tumarkin
Hogtown Brewers
Gainesville, FL

#### denny

• Retired with too much time on my hands
• Posts: 25489
• Noti OR [1991.4, 287.6deg] AR
##### Re: A Christmas Story
« Reply #41 on: December 17, 2010, 08:35:51 am »
Damn....brought a tear to my eye!
Life begins at 60.....1.060, that is!

www.dennybrew.com

The best, sharpest, funniest, weirdest and most knowledgable minds in home brewing contribute on the AHA forum. - Alewyfe

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts." - Bertrand Russell

#### euge

• I must live here
• Posts: 8017
• Ego ceruisam ad bibere cervisiam
##### Re: A Christmas Story
« Reply #42 on: December 17, 2010, 11:40:18 am »
*sniff*

Nice.
The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. -Richard P. Feynman

Laws are spider-webs, which catch the little flies, but cannot hold the big ones. -Anacharsis

#### punatic

• Official Poobah of No Life. (I Got Ban Hammered by Drew)
• Posts: 4583
• Puna District, Hawaii Island (UTC -10)
##### Re: A Christmas Story
« Reply #43 on: December 17, 2010, 07:33:46 pm »
Here in Hawaii we say, Mele Kalikimaka!

We also have our own versions of some Christmas songs.  Here's one I've been siging Hawaiian style so much I've forgotten the traditional words (Tutu is grandmother):

Hawaiian Kine Twelve Days of Kalikimaka
(redundency removed here for space considerations)

Numbah one day of Christmas my tutu give to me,
One mynah bird in one papaya tree.

Numbah two day of Christmas my tutu give to me,
Two coconut  and…

Numbah tree day of Christmas my tutu give to me,
Tree dried squid, …

Numbah foah day of Christmas my tutu give to me,
Foah flower lei, …

Numbah five day of Christmas my tutu give to me,
Five big fat pigs, …

Numbah six day of Christmas my tutu give to me,
Six hula lessons, …

Numbah seven day of Christmas my tutu give to me,
Seven shrimps a-swimming, …

Numbah eight day of Christmas my tutu give to me,
Eight ukulele, …

Numbah nine day of Christmas my tutu give to me,
Nine pounds of poi, …

Numbah ten day of Christmas my tutu give to me,
Ten cans of beer, …

Numbah eleven day of Christmas my tutu give to me,
Eleven missionaries, …

Numbah twelve day of Christmas my tutu give to me,
Twelve television, …

There is only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way.

AHA Life Member #33907

#### Mikey

• Brewer
• Posts: 397
##### Re: A Christmas Story
« Reply #44 on: December 17, 2010, 08:42:23 pm »
Mele Kalikimaka makes me think of Christmas Vacation. Now that's a movie I never miss each year.