Haha, you're not being insulting at all. Believe me, I'm very, very aware that I've got a couple of batches that I will have to stomach by myself or feed to the plants outside.
As for the grain, I did mill that at the brew store. That much I know I did correctly.
I batched 5 gallons, but, like I said, I used waaaay too much water to achieve the wort, which assuredly fouled up my goodies to water ratio.
As for the reading, yeah, it was 1.018. I'm glad to know that I can achieve the impossible. I've pretty much got nonalcoholic, bread soup at this point.
Now, do I have an effed up hydrometer? I guess that would be a cheap investment to find out. But, I'm pretty self aware that my first go was an experiment gone wrong. Is there any thought on salvaging it, or chalk this one up to a lesson learned?