Author Topic: Help a brotha out (in Tulsa)  (Read 437 times)

Offline phillamb168

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Help a brotha out (in Tulsa)
« on: March 31, 2011, 07:35:05 AM »
I need a bit of advice. My brother isn't doing so great the last few years - he's had some financial troubles, isn't very good at taking care of his car (the most recent one had something catastrophic happen to the rear end, apparently because he drives all his cars like they're mustang 5.0 liters), and has a love/hate relationship with his job doing telemarketing.

I'm in a position where I could just give him money, but I don't want to be a crutch, I want to do something to genuinely help him out. He lives near Tulsa, so if anybody knows anyone selling a car near there, I'd be interested in hearing about it. I dunno about his current job either, I'd love to see him get something more - he has (I think) a certificate/diploma from an auto detailing school, so he can do that.

I'm just not sure what to do. Since my mom died and I moved to college I really haven't talked to him at all, but he's still my brother and I don't want him to have to go through the same stuff I did.
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Offline dak0415

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Re: Help a brotha out (in Tulsa)
« Reply #1 on: March 31, 2011, 08:03:59 AM »
I'm just not sure what to do. Since my mom died and I moved to college I really haven't talked to him at all, but he's still my brother and I don't want him to have to go through the same stuff I did.
I have some experience with this.  First of all, the "stuff" you went through has apparently made you stronger.  'Nuf said.  If you feel you need to LEND him some money to help him get a car.  Set up a repayment schedule ($25, $50 a week) that you both agree he can handle.  If he won't (different than can't) honor his commitment, don't continue to be a crutch, or he will look to you for help before he attempts to help himself (by improving his financial/employment position).  LEND him the money to go (back) to school (HVAC and plumbing are lucrative) AFTER he pays you back for the car. THEN offer to forgive the school loan if he completes the program and gets his license and a job.  You can pave the way for him to have a good life, but for his own good, and yours, you can't carry him along that road.

My $.02
Dave Koenig
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Offline hamiltont

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Re: Help a brotha out (in Tulsa)
« Reply #2 on: March 31, 2011, 08:15:24 AM »
I gota agree with Dave. Tough Love is sometimes the best love. We went through it with our kids and they are definitely better off for it.  Good Luck Man!  Cheers!!!
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ccarlson

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Re: Help a brotha out (in Tulsa)
« Reply #3 on: March 31, 2011, 09:44:09 AM »
Before you give him money, make sure there aren't any outside influences (drugs, booze, etc.) in his life that you might be supporting. If so, then tough love is the only way to go.

Hope I'm not accusing him of something that doesn't exist.
« Last Edit: March 31, 2011, 09:48:43 AM by ccarlson »