Author Topic: AHA joke thread  (Read 12354 times)

Offline weazletoe

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Re: AHA joke thread
« Reply #135 on: March 16, 2012, 12:13:46 PM »
Bo, I can't tell you the last time I laughed that hard at a joke!
A man works hard all week, so he doesn't have to wear pants all weekend.

Offline bo

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Re: AHA joke thread
« Reply #136 on: March 17, 2012, 08:23:30 PM »
A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

The lawyer is thinking that seniors
are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily.So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.


The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun...."I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.00. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00," he says.

This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?"

The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net.

He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.

He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00. The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"

The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

Offline tschmidlin

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Re: AHA joke thread
« Reply #137 on: March 18, 2012, 10:02:37 PM »
I read versions of most of these jokes in Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar this past weekend.  I'm not sure if this has been posted . . .

A 70 year old man goes to confession and says "Father, last night I had sex with two 20 years olds - at the same time!  I didn't pay them a dime, and we were up all night."

The priest says "Oh my, that is a grave sin, when was the last time you were at confession?"

The man says "I've never been to confession.  I'm not even religious."

The priest says "Then why are you here telling me this?"

And the man says "Are you kidding?  At my age?  I'm telling everyone!"
Tom Schmidlin

Offline loopy

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Re: AHA joke thread
« Reply #138 on: March 19, 2012, 03:14:15 PM »
The fire fighter is working on the engine outside the fire station when he notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet. The wagon is being pulled by her dog and her cat. The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look.

'That sure is a nice fire truck,' he said with admiration. 'Thanks,' the little girl said. The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices  the girl has tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

'Little Partner, ' the fire fighter says, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar instead of its' testicles, I think it could run faster.' The little girl replies thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.'

Offline loopy

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Re: AHA joke thread
« Reply #139 on: March 19, 2012, 03:15:27 PM »
A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts".  She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer.  When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer.  It's gonna start".  This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer.  When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer, it's gonna start any second".

"That's it!"  She blows her top.  "You  bastard!  You waltz in here, flop your fat-ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave.  Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"

The husband signed, "Oh s***, it started".

Offline maxieboy

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Re: AHA joke thread
« Reply #140 on: March 19, 2012, 04:05:58 PM »
A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts".  She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer.  When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer.  It's gonna start".  This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer.  When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer, it's gonna start any second".

"That's it!"  She blows her top.  "You  bastard!  You waltz in here, flop your fat-ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave.  Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"

The husband signed, "Oh s***, it started".

Love the classics!
A dog can show you more honest affection with a flick of his tail than a man can gather through a lifetime of handshakes." Gene Hill

[47.7, 310.8] AR

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Offline yugamrap

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Re: AHA joke thread
« Reply #141 on: March 20, 2012, 01:31:27 PM »
Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?

He lies awake all night wondering if there really is a dog.
...it's liquid bread, it's good for you!

Offline yugamrap

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Re: AHA joke thread
« Reply #142 on: March 20, 2012, 01:35:51 PM »
My dad's favorite:

Q: What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?

A: A Doberman
...it's liquid bread, it's good for you!