I've seen recipes for O'Dell IPA that includes a small amount (3 oz) per 5 gallons. I recall reading that tropical and citrus are "enhanced" with a small amount of honey malt.
Maybe the sweetness from honey malt is different than the sweetness from residual sugar, but I've had some beers that were a little sweet (hadn't completed bottle conditioning yet) that were heavy on tropical hops and it gets gross fast. I've had some commercial DIPA's that have some sweetness and it ends up tasting like cough syrup. It certainly brings out the fruit character, but not in what I'd consider a pleasing way.
I agree with you on too much sweetness in beers - for most styles, IMHO. Some styles it's expected, almost required (barleywine, wee heavy, etc), but I shy away from DIPAs for that exact reason - too sweet almost every time.
As for the O'Dell IPA recipe - I've brewed it twice and the amount of honey malt used is very gentle without much, if any, noticeable sweetness. Aside from this recipe, I've used it one other time in a citra-heavy IPA using a british yeast strain and did not like the outcome (too fruity and little too sweet). Aside from those few times, I haven't used honey malt in a non-hoppy beer so I don't have a very good grasp on what it imparts to a beer in terms of malt character. With that said, I will get my opportunity soon as my brother-in-law will tap a pilsner in about a month in which he used something like 6-8oz honey malt in 5G so hopefully I'll get better first-hand experience of what it brings to the table.