Author Topic: A culinary abortion!  (Read 6658 times)

Offline weazletoe

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A culinary abortion!
« on: January 10, 2011, 02:06:09 PM »
  Went to some friends this past Saturday. The chick is as Mexican as they come. (hot too, I might add) She asked what I wanted for dinner, so I sain enchiladas. She makes KILLER Mexican food. I've had it before. Well, when we got there, she said they decided to make bbq ribs, because she knows how much I love bbq. They took three lovely racks of ribs, wrapped them in foil, and cooked them in the oven for 8 hours. Nothing on them, not rubbed, nothing. Took them out, them them on a plate and slathered on some sauce. All I can say, at least the potatoes were good. I geve her an A for effort, but man what a disaster.
  So, what are some of your dinner horror stories?
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Offline hokerer

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Re: A culinary abortion!
« Reply #1 on: January 10, 2011, 02:19:59 PM »
  Went to some friends this past Saturday. The chick is as Mexican as they come. (hot too, I might add)

Can't remember any horror stories right off the top of my head but, as a point of order, let me state the following:  On another message board that I frequent (even more often than this one if that can be believed), there is in place what is known as the "shun" rule.  It basically states that anytime a poster mentions a hot chick, said poster must also include a pic of same.  Failure to do so results in a shun, so...  Shun!

Note:  there is a caveat that states that, should the mentioned subject's pic not be posted for some reason (relative, underage, etc.), then a pic of a celebrity lookalike will suffice.
Joe

Offline hamiltont

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Re: A culinary abortion!
« Reply #2 on: January 10, 2011, 02:25:42 PM »
After 8 hours I imagine the fat was completely rendered out of those ribs. Think of it this way, she was just looking out for your figure Weaz....  :D  Nothing more to add... Cheers!!!
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Offline tubercle

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Re: A culinary abortion!
« Reply #3 on: January 10, 2011, 03:13:14 PM »
Culinary fail = raw green beans.

 Why is it when you go to a "fancy" restaurant they feel compelled to serve raw green beans? These so called professional chefs think that green beans should be "blanched" for a few minutes and then thrust into an ice water bath to stop the cooking process. What demon taught them this? Who the hell thought that green beans should crunch like cucumbers? I've even seen this $&*t on TV cooking shows that attempt to promulgate this insane conspiracy to institutionalize the young tender minds that don't know any better.

And on top of that they only give you 3 or 4 to spit out. Properly cooked green beans should cover at least half the plate.


 Green beans should be simmered for SEVERAL HOURS with at least smoked ham hocks but preferably with  a 1/2 pound of bacon to a very tender state.

  This is just an observation. If anyone wants the Tubercle's opinion on the subject, just ask.
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Offline nicneufeld

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Re: A culinary abortion!
« Reply #4 on: January 10, 2011, 05:31:10 PM »
What tubercle has spoken is truth...truth I had never even realized existed before, but truth nonetheless.

Wait for them to start serving collard green slightly warmed over but still raw.  Maybe they will dollop an edge of one of the leafs with balsamic or a flake of sea salt...if we are lucky!

Green beans very nearly require one of the following:  bacon, ham, smoked rib trimmings...basically anything smoked, salty, and formerly porcine.

Offline euge

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Re: A culinary abortion!
« Reply #5 on: January 10, 2011, 05:58:02 PM »
I take it then, that cooking broccoli or cauliflower for 45+ minutes would not be unreasonable?
The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. -Richard P. Feynman

Offline tschmidlin

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Re: A culinary abortion!
« Reply #6 on: January 10, 2011, 09:54:33 PM »
Culinary fail = raw green beans.
:o
I love raw green beans.  We pick them right off the plant and eat them.  They're delicious!

Your way is fine, but if you're going to cook them to death it should be with some cream of mushroom soup and fried onions on top.

My worst culinary fail was when I was a kid, 11 or so.  I was making beef stroganoff for the family, and was tripling the recipe.  Not knowing any better, I tripled the salt.  And I misread tsp as Tbs.  We ate cereal for dinner that night.
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Offline phillamb168

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Re: A culinary abortion!
« Reply #7 on: January 11, 2011, 03:00:38 AM »
My favorite fail is this "Burger" place that's not too far from my office. They serve "triple cheeseburgers," by which they mean a HUGE-ASS (very dry) bun with three tiny overcooked pucks of beef arranged in a triangle. It's triple burger, alright, but not in the way any sane person would expect.

Also, in France (Paris at least) if you order a margarita, it comes with a SUGAR rim. Gag me with a spoon.

My personal culinary fail... hrm... Well when I was young, I tried to make cookies and mistook cornmeal for flour. Other than that, nothing major. Well, that's not true, I take forever to cook. The first Thanksgiving with my then-girlfriend now-wife, I told her we were having Thanksgiving lunch. That turned into Thanksgiving late dinner. Six hours. Oops.
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Offline hokerer

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Re: A culinary abortion!
« Reply #8 on: January 11, 2011, 07:51:46 AM »
Back in the day, Mom and Dad were out of town so I had to cook for us four 'bros.  Fried the bacon and kept most of the grease as next up was the fried eggs.  Well, I broke so many of the yolks, I decided to just scramble them.  Didn't think about all that grease.  You could barely taste those scrambled eggs as they slid down your throat so fast.  Thirty-some years later they still give me the business about those eggs.
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Offline redbeerman

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Re: A culinary abortion!
« Reply #9 on: January 11, 2011, 08:08:13 AM »
Culinary fail = raw green beans.

 Why is it when you go to a "fancy" restaurant they feel compelled to serve raw green beans? These so called professional chefs think that green beans should be "blanched" for a few minutes and then thrust into an ice water bath to stop the cooking process. What demon taught them this? Who the hell thought that green beans should crunch like cucumbers? I've even seen this $&*t on TV cooking shows that attempt to promulgate this insane conspiracy to institutionalize the young tender minds that don't know any better.

And on top of that they only give you 3 or 4 to spit out. Properly cooked green beans should cover at least half the plate.


 Green beans should be simmered for SEVERAL HOURS with at least smoked ham hocks but preferably with  a 1/2 pound of bacon to a very tender state.

  This is just an observation. If anyone wants the Tubercle's opinion on the subject, just ask.

Green beans are to be cooked until gray. ;)  So says my mother-in-law from NC.
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Offline nicneufeld

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Re: A culinary abortion!
« Reply #10 on: January 11, 2011, 09:14:24 AM »
I've got a pending culinary fail...haven't done it yet, but thought I'd get the preemptive FAIL in...Spongebob-esque Krabby Patties, made from imitation crab meat ground up with egg, bread crumb, and seasoning, griddle fried and served on bun with typical condiments.

Probably gonna suck but my daughter loves Mr. Squarepants.

Offline EHall

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Re: A culinary abortion!
« Reply #11 on: January 11, 2011, 09:43:03 AM »
dont' forget, the secret ingredient is plankton... don't forget that!
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Offline nicneufeld

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Re: A culinary abortion!
« Reply #12 on: January 11, 2011, 09:52:39 AM »
dont' forget, the secret ingredient is plankton... don't forget that!


Offline capozzoli

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Re: A culinary abortion!
« Reply #13 on: January 11, 2011, 04:46:22 PM »
Oh man I love raw green beans.

We just blanch them too, then serve them with a little balsamic. Make them that way for salad knee-swa < (cant spell french).

Pan seared green beans are good too. Browned a little on the outside raw in the center.

Or the Chinese way of wok seared with fine chopped pork and sweet soy sauce.

Man those ribs must have been bad.

The Puerto Ricans make deep fried ribs. OMG are they good!
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Offline denny

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Re: A culinary abortion!
« Reply #14 on: January 11, 2011, 04:53:51 PM »
Oven roasted green beans with lemon and balsamic!
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